On Yer Bike

The bicycle must surely rank as one of man's great technological achievements combining as it does his greatest invention, the wheel, and a cheap, renewable source of energy for its locomotion. It can be used as a viable mode of transport for those aged from eight to eighty, and indeed still is in many countries. Why then do our air-carriers treat it purely as a piece of sporting equipment with a lower rank than a set of golf clubs?

I find that I can fly almost anywhere in the world with a set of clubs welcomed on board at no extra charge and in addition to my normal baggage allowance. My folding bicycle however is quite another matter.

Realising that my requirements were not quite straightforward I decided to book my air ticket with a well known retailer of both domestic and international flights. I deduced, not unreasonably, that their experience and expertise would have this little issue sorted in a jiffy. I now realise that dealing with this purveyor of things aeronautical is like buying lunch at a popular hamburger establishment, all very well if you just want a burger and chips. Don't bother asking for a kangaroo steak and jacket potatoes.

Having explained my luggage abnormalities to a seemingly helpful young man, we'll call him Jason, and emphasising that I had no intention of paying for excess baggage, I left him to find a flight with a generous cabin baggage allowance and flexible baggage dimensions. He found a flight which could accommodated the bike as long as it was not over weight, and had a 12 kg cabin allowance. Fantastic! And the price was right. Excellent!

I took home a print out of the proposed itinerary: Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur, Kuala Lumpur to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to London, and had a week to confirm. Well, now I am about to be shown up for the naïve bunny that I am. I booked the flight and handed over the cash and only later discovered that the Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur leg was with a another airline who have a different baggage allowance! Not only can I not fathom how any airline could think that this is reasonable, but could someone please offer a suggestion as to why Jason did not, a: see this as a problem, and b: not mention it to his customer? A free packet of Minties to the reader who solves these puzzling questions.

My frustrations with the charming but relatively useless Jason do not end there. I find, on close inspection – I'm becoming savvy now – that my airport transfer ticket has me arriving in London at 0555 hours. This, in fact, is the time I arrive in Amsterdam, not London. I take the now familiar trek to my local flight branch and point out this little anomaly to Jason who says, 'Oh, no problem, I'll just change it on the computer'. I think he's missing the point.

I sincerely hope that Jason and I have seen the last of each other. Helpful friends have since been forthcoming with recommendations re travel agents. Thanks guys, but where were you in February?

A trip to the airline's office seems a good idea as I now have no faith in anything I'm told by J. To my relief, they confirm that the bike is quite acceptable as long as it's not over weight and yes, they can label it fragile so with any luck it will arrive still in a ridable condition. I discover, as a bonus, their cabin baggage allowance has increased by 2 kilos, to 7 kilos. I can live with that ... I think.